No Mom, You Do Not Have a Future in Canine Fashions

Dear Dad,

While you were downstairs singing Disney songs (yes, I heard you through the floorboards), Mom wrestled me between her legs and yanked this monstrosity over my head. Then she coo'ed and clapped and just about crapped her pants with happiness because she thought I looked soooo cute in my hoodie.




Well it ain't cute. Bark Athletic? What is that? Like, Harvard for Hounds, MIT for Mutts, Princeton for Pups? No thanks! I very much prefer to remain illiterate and naked.

Anyway, I'm going to slink away for now, and hope that no one sees me in this ridiculous get up. When you've wrapped up your singing and flapping, dear Papa, could you please rescue your fuzzy son from this fleecy fashion faux pas.

Love and Milkbones,
Oscarman