Help Me Dad!
This is your favorite son writing to ask you to puh-lease come home. I know you've got work to do in California, but if you want to see me alive again, then you must return to the mother ship, like pronto.
In four separate instances today, mom knocked me in the noggin. Oh yeah, she got me good. This morning when she was getting her coat from the closet, she didn't see me when she turned around and ended up kicking me in the face. Then twice when I was snoozing on the floor today, she swung her feet down from the couch and stepped on my head. The fourth and final time came tonight when she went to take off my collar for the night and nearly stabbed my eye out.
Seriously, Dad, I don't know how you're not in the morgue yet. You are one incredible man for putting up with her day in and day out. I am not sure I'm so strong. I am one sucker punch away from dehabilitation.
If you have any love or mercy or tenderness in your heart, you will come home and save me.
Your fuzzy son,