The Amazing Adventures of Oscarman

My Heart is All A-Twitter

2009-05-08T21:46:00.002-04:00

Guess what y'all? I'm on Twitter now! Please check out my account and follow meeee!

Easter Weekend at Grandma and Grandpa Hull's

2009-04-14T22:18:00.002-04:00

Life is tough for a little man because there ain't no Easter bunny in my world.

We had a long car ride on a long and windy road that made me barf a few times despite the Dramamine my parents gave me beforehand. I was so excited to get out of the car!

Then I spent the night jumping on Grandma's head. I was trying to say, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY I LOVE YOU GRANDMA!!"

But Grandma was not amused.

Then the power went out in the middle of the night, and my little room was pitch black. I hate the dark! Especially since I started reading the Twilight series with Mom, and am now scared of vampires jumping out at me.

So I howled and howled until Grandma woke up to see what the commotion was all about. She felt bad for me, so she shined a flashlight beam into my room, which made me feel sooo much better.

Needless to say, after a night like that, I was feeling wiped out the next day. So I spent most of Saturday just bummin' around on my blanket.

Playing with Dad

2008-11-25T19:43:00.003-05:00

Dad is so fun to play with. He does this thing with my little mat where he puts it over my head so that the whole world is dark. And then he tosses my mat so that I have to go run and fetch it. It's sooooo fun! You might not think that's very fun, but it's sure entertaining for a little guy like me.

Well folks, it's almost Thanksgiving and I'm very excited! I'm sure there will be lots of treats for me over the next few days. Have a happy Thanksgiving!

Whaaaat?

2008-11-21T22:39:00.004-05:00

You never heard of finding a comfy spot?

Mom and Dad keep their blankets in a basket that they put on top of their ugly chair so that I don't pee on the chair.

Me? Pee on a chair? Never.

(Ha.)

Ah, I have to admit. Life is good when you're looking down at the world from this vantage point. So this is what it's like to be a short man! Sure beats being a short dog that's for sure.

By the way, I hope you're not looking up into my nostrils. I forgot to clip my nose hairs this morning.

Peace Out My Brother From Another Mother

2008-11-15T23:35:00.000-05:00

All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need...

...or whatevs.

Mom and Me

2008-11-12T06:43:00.003-05:00

Oh man, my head looks big here. Mom is engrossed in reading American Wife for her book club. They're meeting tomorrow, so she is putting the pedal to the metal!

Mom finally decided to take a break to take a picture with me. Here I am! Her favorite son. :)

Bump in the Night

2008-11-11T14:42:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I hear strange noises outside our house. A dog walking by (oooh, I hate other dogs walking by my turf!), or the sirens going off at the fire station, or teenagers outside the house. That's when I perk up to see what's going on. Mom and Dad are trusting me, so I do everything in my little doggy power to protect the house.

After perking my ears up and checking it out, I decided that we were all safe. So I nestled back onto Dad's belly and checked out for the night. Tee hee hee.

My Austin Powers Impression

2008-11-10T09:00:00.000-05:00

Saturday Mornings are my Favorite

2008-11-08T15:55:00.010-05:00

I love Saturdays because both Dad and Mom are home all day with me. But what I hate is that it takes them soooo long to wake up. That means I gotta hold the bladder for a couple hours longer than I'm accustomed to. And worst yet, it means I have to wait longer to get my breakfast!!

Mom and Dad sleep upstairs, and I sleep downstairs in the living room. They have a fence that they put up so that I can't get upstairs. Wah. So all I can do is whine and wait for them to notice me. Here I am waiting for Dad to come downstairs and take me out for my morning pee 'n poo.

Once the insides get cleaned out, it's time to eat! I keep my eye on Dad very, very closely. You never know, blink and it may be gone.

Once Dad gives me the signal, then I can finally eat. Yummmmm.

And then once I finish my breakfast (which I always do anyway), I get a special treat: a Dentastix! They clean my teeth and help freshen my breath, but I think they just taste plain delish.

Once I finish my morning ritual, I go lie on the couch all day. Today, I actually slept in my crate in the morning while Mom made soap and Dad painted the coffee table. It was a rainy morning perfect for just lazing around, something I do best.

Good Morning Connecticut

2008-11-05T18:47:00.009-05:00

Mom and Dad have finally given up and let me sit on the couch. Hallelujah, I have broken them down! So now, I get the best night's sleep I've ever gotten in my entire life...on premium Bob's leather.

Mom and Dad kept me up late last night watching the election. That explains the mild bags underneath my eyes. However, I'm glad that Obama won. I'm excited to see what change he will bring, including, I hope, the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of milkbones for all American canines.

Well, since Mom woke me up so early this morning, she took me for my morning pee and poo. As you can see, it was a beautiful Fall day outside. Don't you think the fiery foliage really complements my golden locks? I'm so handsome.

Ah yes, there I am below marking my territory and putting forth an impressive display of my male virility. Roarrrrrr....(catches breath)....arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Bath Time Stinks

2008-11-04T20:20:00.007-05:00

I've been having some major issues with my skin these past couple of weeks. Most of the hair on my legs has turned dark brown because of all the licking that I've been doing trying to soothe my poor, irritated skin. This happened around the same time last year, so I'm wondering if it's a seasonal allergy type thing.

Either way, Mom and Dad have taken it into their own hands to give me regular baths now, using special medicated shampoo from the vet. It sucks!

Here I am shivering my butt off in the tub. Thankfully Mom and Dad only washed my legs here, so at least part of me wasn't freezing cold. But they did make me stay in the tub for 10 whole minutes to let the shampoo set in.

Poor me. Sigh.

When I was finally rinsed off and allowed out of the tub (sweet freedom), I ran around the first floor like a mad man. Something about water just makes me go nuts. I do the same thing if I've been out in the rain too. Mom and Dad find it very amusing, but really, I'm just trying to dry myself out. Duhhhhh.

Halloween Adventures

2008-10-31T20:58:00.003-04:00

Bluh. Halloween is so overrated. Mom recycled my costume from last year. When I saw Mom walking towards me earlier tonight with that maniacal grin on her face, costume in hand, I turned tail and ran. Oh man, I booked it. But Mom was too fast. And now I'm an Oscar Meyer weiner for Halloween...again.

I hate this costume. It's all scratchy, and rides up like crazy. It really gets my mojo down. When kids came to the door tonight, I had no desire to jump up and greet them like I usually do. It was depressing.

I hope you had a better Halloween than I did. Eat some chocolate for me.

Dogs Do the Darnedest Things!

2008-07-08T19:32:00.004-04:00

After nearly four months, Mom finally took me to the groomer today for my haircut. (Shudder)

The groomer lady nearly cut off 5 lbs of hair and now I'm a skinny, shriveled mess of a doggie. How am I supposed to look thug when I'm practically bald?? At least she kept my eyelashes in tact this time -- strict orders from Mom, and you don't want to mess with Mom.

So tonight, Mom decided to take me for a walk around the block except I didn't want to go. I look like a laughing stock, and she wanted me to parade it down the street? Aw hells nah.

So we get down the block and I'm digging in my heels the whole time while Mom is trying to tug me down the street. Well, she tugged so hard that my collar slipped right off my neck (thanks to my new haircut, the collar hangs a lot looser). So I do what any sane dog would do, I make a beeline all the way down the block, into my yard, up the porch and to the front door of my house -- with Mom chasing me all the way home.

How do you like dem apples, huh? [grin]

Just Hangin' Out

2008-05-27T22:05:00.003-04:00

Don't tell Mom, but I'm not allowed on the couch. Dad doesn't care though. When Mom's not looking, he lifts me up there with him, and we have a good ol' time just goofin' off together. I have the coolest Dad ever!

My Sassy Girl

2008-05-19T23:26:00.002-04:00

Did I ever tell you about the play date that I had with Bobo? She's a Pekinese and one little spitfire. She came over to play for the afternoon, and ran me absolutely ragged I thought I was feisty. Whew, y'all gotta check out Ms. Bobo. She was chasing me around and around and around the living room...I was running in fear!

But boy -- do I love a woman who can put me in my place!

HI MOM!!!!

2008-04-09T22:42:00.003-04:00

Someone Help a Brother Out

2008-04-08T23:09:00.004-04:00

A few days ago, I found myself in quite a pickle. I was playing with the glow-in-the-dark bouncy ball that Gramama Jo gave me for Christmas (the one that I can never manage to stuff in my mouth because it's just a shade too big). And wouldn't you know it, it landed straight into Dad's stinky sneaker.

I had no idea how I was ever going to get it out. Mom was in the kitchen making dinner. When she came out and found me in my predicament, she just threw up her hands and said, "Sorry little man, you're on your own with this one. I ain't venturing near that thing."

These are the moments in my life when I really, really wish that I had an opposable thumb. Humph.

The Best Place in the Whole World

2008-04-03T08:55:00.001-04:00

Mom took me to the dog park this weekend. The dog park is one of my most favorite places ever to go! I get to meet so many new friends. We have tons of fun playing together in the big, open fields. I love running back and forth until my legs turn into jello. There are also some trails that Mom and I walk together. Mom leads the way, and I trail behind, peeing on rocks and trees just in case we get lost. (Aren't I such a good helper?)

Here's a friend that I made at the park the other day. I wasn't too sure about him at first, but a few sniffs of his butt and we were cool after that.

Is It Soft? I'm So There!

2008-04-02T20:54:00.002-04:00

Mom should know by now never to turn her back on me. While she was getting Dad a glass of water, I jumped into the basket of freshly laundered whites. It was so fluffy and soft. I was in heaven...until she shooed me off. Boo.

What A Nice Pillow You Make, Stuffy Man!

2008-03-27T20:47:00.004-04:00

Mom and I had a great walk yesterday. But boy did she wear me out! So I decided I would lay down for a spell with a blanket and Stuffy Man. He makes such a nice, soft pillow.

Zzzzz....

Just Hangin' Out

2008-03-26T09:13:00.001-04:00

I am the king of squatting. I can make a home out of anything -- boxer shorts, towels, throw pillows, used napkins, half pairs of shoes, whatevs.

This little contraption above happened to make a very lovely doggie den for yours truly. It was just a mini blanket that Mom happened to leave over the back of a dining room chair. It was semi-dark and semi-covered -- great for napping!

No Mom, You Do Not Have a Future in Canine Fashions

2008-03-25T09:53:00.006-04:00

Dear Dad,

While you were downstairs singing Disney songs (yes, I heard you through the floorboards), Mom wrestled me between her legs and yanked this monstrosity over my head. Then she coo'ed and clapped and just about crapped her pants with happiness because she thought I looked soooo cute in my hoodie.

Well it ain't cute. Bark Athletic? What is that? Like, Harvard for Hounds, MIT for Mutts, Princeton for Pups? No thanks! I very much prefer to remain illiterate and naked.

Anyway, I'm going to slink away for now, and hope that no one sees me in this ridiculous get up. When you've wrapped up your singing and flapping, dear Papa, could you please rescue your fuzzy son from this fleecy fashion faux pas.

Love and Milkbones,
Oscarman

Sleeping Beauty

2008-03-24T10:58:00.007-04:00

Mom and Dad probably wanted to cry tears of joy when they woke up this morning and realized that I had slept through the night in my crate. I mean, I can hardly believe it myself!

I had a few freakout moments, I will admit. Right when they locked me up last night, I spent a good 30 minutes barking my lungs out. Then I realized what hard work that was, and how it was sooo not worth it. So I quit and went to sleep. If you can't beat em, join em, right?

I think it helped, too, that Mom and Dad took me for some nice long walks over the weekend. That sure tired me out. The walk I took with Mom was especially brisk when she realized that we were in the wrong side of the 'hood, walking next to some shady people.

She worries so much. I mean, what is there to worry about? She is with me after all, and though I'm short, I have a loud bark and a mean growl. I won't let no one mess with my mama! Grrrrr...ruff ruff!

Help Me Dad!

2008-03-07T22:29:00.006-05:00

Dear Dad,

This is your favorite son writing to ask you to puh-lease come home. I know you've got work to do in California, but if you want to see me alive again, then you must return to the mother ship, like pronto.

In four separate instances today, mom knocked me in the noggin. Oh yeah, she got me good. This morning when she was getting her coat from the closet, she didn't see me when she turned around and ended up kicking me in the face. Then twice when I was snoozing on the floor today, she swung her feet down from the couch and stepped on my head. The fourth and final time came tonight when she went to take off my collar for the night and nearly stabbed my eye out.

Seriously, Dad, I don't know how you're not in the morgue yet. You are one incredible man for putting up with her day in and day out. I am not sure I'm so strong. I am one sucker punch away from dehabilitation.

If you have any love or mercy or tenderness in your heart, you will come home and save me.

Your fuzzy son,
Oscarman

Anywhere I Lay My Head

2008-03-03T21:09:00.005-05:00

The other day I was feeling real tired, so I decided to pop a squat on Dad's boxer shorts. Mom turned her back, and so I snatched them out of the laundry basket. I patted the shorts a few times with my paws to get them into the perfect comfortable lump before plunking down. And then I had me a nice, long nap.

And yes, they were clean.

Friends in High Places

2008-02-28T19:01:00.006-05:00

Oh yeah, you guys didn't realize that I'm buds with Billy Ray and Hannah Montana? The three of us hang out all the time, you know, running around, listening to country music (I howl, they sing).

PSYCH!

That's just some look-alike. Why is everyone trying to copy my style? Shoot.

I'm Part Llasa? Really?

2008-02-18T21:23:00.007-05:00

Mom figured out my ancestry today! That's the tough thing when you come from a shelter. No one can tell who your mama was, or who your baby daddy was. But if you'll see below, Mom was able to locate a long lost cousin of mine, Benny. He's a pure bred Llasa Apso, which one of Mom's college friends owns.

Aren't we just the spitting image of each other? Seems like we also inherited the same lazy bone too. Hehe.

(Me above, Benny below)

Get With the Program, Mom!!

2008-02-17T20:54:00.004-05:00

Mom's been a bit of a bore lately. I've been trying to get her to play catch with me, and she refuses. She just sits on the couch and reads fashion magazines. I mean, really, who needs clothes? I spend my days as naked as the day I was born, and I'm quite happy, thank you very much.

Besides, I can't be bothered to put on clothes, when I have a stuffy man I'd rather be playing with.

Stuffy man!!!

Look at This Bufoon

2008-02-07T20:08:00.001-05:00

Oh wait...that's me.

Mom dressed me up in this ridiculous headpiece that she found at Goodwill. Hey Mom, did you ever think this thing got left at Goodwill for a reason?

Look how pleased Mom is with herself. Well of course, she's wearing a normal outfit. And me? Well, let's not get into that or else I'm going to burst into tears.

Parents... they're soooo embarrassing!!

Count One For Team Oscar

2008-01-15T21:11:00.001-05:00

I have won my first victory against Team Parents.

They have been dead set on making me sleep in my crate at night. But I protested. Loudly. Every night. For many nights. On end. Without stopping. And I finally broke Mom and Dad! I drove 'em plain old nuts. Go me!

Now they let me have the lay the land -- that's basically the first floor minus the guest bedroom, which I'm never allowed in anyway.

I love it! It's so nice to stretch out on the floor and sleep. Or sometimes when I'm feeling rowdy, I jump up on the couch and howl at other dogs or sirens or whatev. It's tons of fun! I highly recommend it. Hehehe.

Working It

2008-01-07T22:16:00.000-05:00

Mom and I went for a super long walk this morning, up to the middle school and back. The weather was beautiful today, and a relief after a really cold week. I was so glad to be outside, getting some fresh air and exercise. I was starting to go seriously stir crazy.

On the way home, I was ogled by a Prius full of ladies. They drove by kind of fast, but I spotted a mom-type, a grandma-type and some hot young chicks in the backseat. They were all checking out my sleek coat, my sexy gait. What can I say, I'm a babe magnet!

The walk was an hour long, and I am totally tuckered. I am going to sleep like a baby tonight. Yes, like the baby Oscar that I am...

Havin' a Holly Jolly Christmas

2007-12-30T20:00:00.001-05:00

I was being a very bad dog last night. Mom and Dad put me in the laundry room of Grandma Yang's house (that's where I am supposed to sleep at night). But I woke everyone up at 3:30 in the morning with my barking. I hate waking up and finding myself alone and in the dark. [Whine.]

I freaked out so bad that I actually knocked over this huge clothing rack that was in the laundry room and sent everything crashing to the ground. Mom and Dad...and, come to think of it, Grandma, Great Grandma and Uncle Michael...well, I guess everyone but Great Greatpa because he's partially deaf...were not very happy with me. :(

In fact, Great Grandma declared that she was going to stop feeding me any more yummy Chinese food. She's convinced that Mom and Dad are starving me on that dried, waxy kibble they feed me day in and day out (which they are, hello!). So she's always sneaking me food under the table. Hehehe.

But you want to know what she said to Mom this morning? She was so upset about my barking last night that she told Mom, "Today, we're not feeding that dog any extra food! Let him starve. He's going to be so hungry he won't have the energy to even crawl out of bed, let alone bark!"

Anyway, we're all going back home tomorrow to Connecticut tomorrow. This Christmas break has been a ton of fun, but I'm looking to getting back to my old pooping ground.

Ah, home sweet home!

Can't Believe Your Eyes, Can You?

2007-12-22T13:46:00.001-05:00

This was my crate after Mom and Dad came home from their date last night:

This was me!

"Wait a minute," they said, looking at each other in confusion. "Didn't we put the Oscarman in his crate before we left...?"

"How did he do it?" they asked themselves, shaking their heads.

Tee hee hee. I'll never tell...!

Yawwwwwwn

2007-12-22T13:39:00.000-05:00

This is me and Dad after:

a) a beer and two Christmas cookies a piece.
b) a late night up watching made-for-TV movies.
c) opening our huge stockings this morning.
d) all of the above.

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful...

2007-12-18T08:01:00.001-05:00

...but my bed is sooooo delightful!!

Mom and Dad bought me this special bedding set for my crate for Christmas. It came in the mail yesterday, and because Mom spoils me so much, she let me open it up before Christmas!

It comes with a special outer covering to make my crate seem like a nice, dark doggie den. It also has a special piece of "bumper" fabric that lines the inside edge of the crate, so that when I lean up against it, I won't feel the cold, metal bars of the crate.

The best part is the cushion that goes on the bottom of the crate. It's so fluffy and soft. Much better than the piece of fleece that I had before.

There's me below. I was loving my new crate so much that I went to bed super early last night. Mom came looking for me. When she found me, she just shook her head and asked me why I was being so antisocial.

Well, Mom, if you had a supernice bed like mine, you might never want to come out either!

P.S. The white thing is my blankie. I will never give up my blankie no matter how much they upgrade me!!

Do I Look Amused?

2007-11-30T09:54:00.000-05:00

Sigh. Bath time.

Well, folks, I've had an unlucky break as of late. Seeing as I've got this nasty yeast infection that I'm fighting off, I've been ordered by the vet to take a bath every week (every week!) with a special shampoo they gave me.

I hate baths.

As you can see from the pictures, I'm not enjoying this very much. Every chance I get, I try to jump out of the sink. But Mom and Dad are smart, and have double teamed me to make sure I don't escape.

The worst part of it is that they get me soaking wet, soap me up, and then make me sit there, freezing cold for ten minutes, so that the shampoo can really do its work. Listen, if this is what it takes, I'll take the yeast. Give me the yeast!!

Look at this clown. Dad is having a jolly ol' time of it while Mom happily snaps pictures. This puts me in a foul mood.

Aw Dad! Whine.

Peek-a-Boo, I See You!

2007-11-29T15:16:00.001-05:00

This morning, Mom was looking for me everywhere. She was calling and calling, but couldn't find me.

Guess where I was hiding?

Tee hee.

I love hide and go seek!

The Oscarman is on Dogster!

2007-11-29T09:34:00.000-05:00

Guess what everybody?! I joined Dogster yesterday!! It's just like Friendster, but for dogs. I already have 17 friends. This is so exciting. I have never had so many buddies in my whole life. This is even better than the dog park!

If you have a doggie or are a doggie, you can click on my Dogster badge on the sidebar of this blog to view my profile and add me as your friend.

See ya on the internet!

Rocking Around (Under?) the Christmas Tree

2007-11-28T08:33:00.000-05:00

Mom and Dad put up our Christmas tree on Monday night, and I gotta tell ya -- they got some nerve. You know where they put the tree? Right where my little bed used to be. Yeah, you heard me right. Mom and Dad kicked me out! Now, my bed is over by our fireplace. Or rather, "fireplace." (It's totally fake. It doesn't work. Mom and Dad found that out after they bought our house. Suckas.)

Anyway, this tree is not little. It takes up a huge chunk of our living room, and now I barely have any place to play. My toys are always getting stuck under the tree and I gotta go dig for them. Of course, when I do that, I get yelled out. "Stop messing with the tree, Oscar!" Well, I'm not...I just want my freaking toys back Mom and Dad!!

I will say though, it is handy for a little bit of coverage. And the velvet tree skirt is very soft. Whenever I wanna relax, I just chill out under the tree.

This is me after an especially rigorous play session with my tennis ball. I'm taking a breather before I get back out there for some more serious play time.

Has your Christmas tree gone up yet?

My Favorite Friend

2007-11-27T11:29:00.001-05:00

Have I introduced you guys to my bestest friend in the whole wide world? If not, let me present to you: Fuzzy Man!

Fuzzy Man and I are inseparable as you can see in this picture. We go everywhere together, and at night, he sleeps next to me in my crate. He used to be my dad's dog's toy, but I inherited him.

Fuzzy Man is a real agreeable guy. He doesn't mind getting thrown around when Dad and I play fetch. He doesn't care when I carry him around by his head. He doesn't complain when I get my slobber all over him. And sometimes when I get mad because Mom and Dad yelled at me, he lets me vent my rage at him. I like to grab him by my teeth and shake him all around like a crazy man.

Now do you see why Fuzzy Man is the greatest? If dog is man's best friend, then Fuzzy Man is dog's best friend.

Bah Humbug!

2007-11-26T09:37:00.001-05:00

Mom, Dad and I went to Grandma Yang's house for Thanksgiving. My folks were so proud of me -- I didn't have a single accident while I was there! I figured it was the holidays -- I'll give my poor 'rents a break.

I struck gold a few times during the visit. I was fed some turkey on Thursday and some pork on Friday. Cha-ching! Who knew human food was so tasty? Have I been missing out this whole time?

Anyway, now we're back. Mom spent this morning pulling out Christmas decorations for the house. She was all jolly and cheerful with Christmas on the way.

Me? I just vegged out in my bed. There's nothing to be cheerful about when you're wearing a dorky sweater. At least there are no reindeer on it...[humph].

I'm Beside Myself

2007-11-19T11:12:00.000-05:00

So I had to go to the vet today for a follow-up appointment. That was no fun (as usual). But after the vet declared that my bacterial/yeast infections were looking much better, and that he didn't think they were food allergy related, guess what Mom pulled out?

Oh yes - the Pedigree DentaStix!

I was absolutely beside myself. I was jumping up and down. Sitting. Lying down. I would have freaking done a round off, back hand spring, back tuck if she'd asked me too. They are soooo good.

Mom stopped giving me wheat products because she thought they might be causing my skin irritations. But now that the doctor doesn't think that's the issue, the DentaStix are back in. Woo hoo!

Tell Me How I'm Not Supposed to be Confused

2007-11-18T09:26:00.001-05:00

I'd like to be a good and obedient dog, and come when I'm called. But tell me how that's possible when Mom and Dad keep changing my name on me!

I've been called all of the following. How am I supposed to know what my real name is?

Oscar, Oscarman, Little Man, Mister Man, Mister Oscar, Mister Oscarman, Handsome Man, Happy Man, Silly Man, Baby Bear, Lazy Man, Little Bear, Oscy, Yogi (that was back in the early days when Mom got me confused with the neighbor's shih tzu), Snowball (that's Grandpa confusing me with Dad's childhood dog)

It's enough to make me want to stay in my dog bed all day and ignore everyone!

Humph.

I'm Gonna Be a TV Star Some Day, Mark My Words

2007-11-08T10:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I was watching E! with Mom (she loves that channel so much), and Forbe's Top 20 TV Personalities came on. Normally, I don't pay much attention to the TV since I'd rather be chewing on my foot or something. But this time, my ears perked up. I've always thought I had a future in television, but I just have to convince Mom and Dad of that. I mean, someone's gotta pay for my head shots.

Oh, and on an unrelated note, the sore under my ear is getting better with the cream that we got at the vet. And my skin feels less itchy with the antibiotics. Keep your fingers crossed that I make a full recovery!!

I Hate the Vet

2007-11-05T16:47:00.000-05:00

Mom took me to the vet today because of some skin irritations I've been experiencing lately. I haven't been to the vet in ages, so I was really calm in the waiting room (to Mom's surprise). That's because I had forgotten the horrors that awaited me behind the big white doors!! (SHUDDER)

Doc says I have a staph infection and a yeast infection, so he prescribed me with four meds. What am I? A celebrity? That's nuts! I don't like it, but I hope it makes me feel better soon. Chewing my foot all the time is not doing much for my love life.

I'm lying in my bed right now, recovering from the trauma. Because I didn't tell you how the visit ended -- with Doc emptying out my anal sacs. Uh huh, you heard right. I feel so violated. [Whine.]

Who Knew Teeth Cleaning Could Be So Fun?

2007-11-02T15:27:00.001-04:00

I want to say a big doggie thank you to Aunt Cherilyn for giving me these yummy Pedigree Dentastix. They're sooooo yummy! And they help clean my teeth.

Mom gives me one after every meal, and I look forward to it so much. And you know what else, I swear I've seen Mom sniffing them and eyeing them like she wants to try one for herself...

You want to know a secret? I broke into my treat cabinet a few days ago (Mom's still wondering how) and stole the pack right from out of there! Stupid ziplock though - I couldn't manage to break open the pack.

Anyway, these treats are definitely on my Christmas list this year! They're so tasty!!

Halloween Was Fun...Sort Of

2007-11-01T14:42:00.000-04:00

I was a hot dog for Halloween...as expected. I didn't like my costume very much. The straps dug into my ribs, and as a result, all I wanted to do was lie in my bed while all the kids came and went.

I like people, but there were too many of them everywhere. Especially a lot of little people. Not my scene.

I wish I could show you pictures, but Mom's hard drive is down, so I have to use Dad's computer for now, and I don't know how to upload the pictures from the camera. They'll come, I promise. And they will show a very unhappy little man in a hot dog costume, and one weird Mom in a too-small Spiderman Venom costume.

Oh yeah, Dad dressed up as a woman.

(You don't have to say it. I know.)

Boy He Looks Pretty Cheerful...

2007-10-30T17:54:00.001-04:00

...despite the fact that he's dressed in such a ridiculous costume AND his mouth is turned down at the corners!

More Dog Halloween Costumes!

2007-10-30T15:18:00.001-04:00

May the Force Be With You

2007-10-30T15:16:00.000-04:00

Are You Ready for Fright Night?

2007-10-30T10:16:00.001-04:00

I can't wait! Halloween is here, and I'm going to be a big, bad, scary...hot dog...[whine].

In the meantime, I hope you're enjoying all these doggie costumes. I'm getting a big kick out of them.

You won't be seeing many pictures of me in the next few days as Mom's computer crashed, and she is getting a new hard drive installed. Just as well - I still look funny with my shaved body!

Sexy Beast

2007-10-30T09:47:00.000-04:00

You Can Trust Them...

2007-10-27T22:16:00.001-04:00

...they're professionals.

...mwah ha ha.

More Fun Halloween Costumes

2007-10-27T22:13:00.001-04:00

Tee hee...look at that lazy eye!

Looking Back on Better Days

2007-10-26T16:53:00.001-04:00

I don't know about you, but I think I may have missed my calling as a male model. Check out those chiseled cheekbones (see arrows A) and that pout (see arrow B). I mean, fer reals people, have I got it or have I got it?

Either Your Stock Portfolio is Looking Good...

2007-10-26T13:42:00.000-04:00

...or you're just really happy to see me.

Onward Trusty Steed!

2007-10-26T13:40:00.001-04:00

2007-10-26T12:01:00.001-04:00

Ha! Her wig looks like it weighs more than the dog!

2007-10-26T11:54:00.001-04:00

You better get this thing off of him or he's going to stab you with his tooth! See it? See it? Huh?

Which One Do YOU Want To Be?

2007-10-26T11:47:00.000-04:00

In the spirit of Halloween, and because I'm not looking so good these days, I thought I'd show you some interesting costumes worn by other dogs. As for me, I'm preparing myself to look like a shriveled hot dog.

[Whine. Humph.]

Bad Hair Day

2007-10-25T16:45:00.001-04:00

I've been feeling out of sorts ever since I got back from the dog groomer yesterday. This hair cut is really getting me down. I actually cried myself to sleep last night.

Today, I haven't felt like doing too much. Don't even want to go outside for fear of someone seeing this hideous buzz cut. I wonder how long I can hold my pee in? Anyway, Mom won't let me try it. She's still dragging me out (and I mean dragging, literally) every few hours.

She's been feeding me treats and telling me I'm still her handsome man. I know she means well, but this is pretty depressing. I mean, heck, do you notice I'm even lying in my new dog bed with no complaints? It's that bad, people.

I'm just going to close my eyes now and shut out the world. Wake me up in four weeks when my hair has grown back in.

[Whine.]

From Fugly To...Fugly?

2007-10-24T17:16:00.001-04:00

This picture was taken yesterday. Admit it, I look pretty shaggy.

I mean, seriously, take a look at these gnarly eye boogers. I don't know how they made it from the corners of my eyes to the middle of my face, but whatev.

Mom finally took me in for some professional grooming today, and here I am...

...looking like a drowned rat.

Yes, it was worse than you could have imagined. Turns out I was all matted around my legs and ears. While I would like to blame this on Mom, I cannot in good conscience...she does get at me every day with that stupid brush, but I guess it wasn't enough.

Anyway, it will grow out, Mom keeps reassuring me. But in the meantime, I will look like...well, this.

[Whine.]

Magician Extraordinaire

2007-10-23T10:13:00.001-04:00

How do you reckon I went from this locked crate from the previous night...

...to chillaxing in the middle of the living room floor when Mom and Dad woke up the next morning?

That, my friends, is magic for ya.

(And yes, I dragged my fleece crate liner and my blanky and my bone out of the crate. If I'm going to be sleeping on the floor, I'm going to make it as comfy as possible. Sheesh!)

Bad Mommy! Bad!

2007-10-21T22:12:00.001-04:00

Do I look perturbed? Well I am.

Mom nearly got me run over this weekend!!!

We were out in the yard (without my leash on), and I was taking my morning pee when I saw a big furry dog across the street. He looked like such a nice dog, I just had to go over and say hello. Well, wouldn't you know a huge SUV was speeding down the road just at that moment. Thankfully, I just narrowly missed the wheels.

Anyway, Mom was screaming and carrying on and clutching her chest. Of course, I knew I would be ok. But she kept hugging me and petting me the rest of the day. Geez, lighten up. Everything turned out ok, didn't it?

Though, I will say, I think I'm going to hang close to Dad these next few days. Just in case.

Why, I Didn't See You Standing There

2007-10-19T16:14:00.001-04:00

Oh! Well, hello. What do you want? I'm about to retire to my crate for the evening, and then I hear your footsteps come stomping around the corner.

Please, my head is pounding, and I'm in quite an irritable state right now. Can this wait until tomorrow?

Keepin' It Real With the 'Fro

2007-10-19T14:46:00.001-04:00

"Hey my brother, can I borrow a copy of your 'Hey Soul Classics?'"

"No, my brother, you have to go buy your own."

(Bonus if you can tell me what movie that's from! Leave your guesses in the Comments section!)

Don't Tell Me You've Never Gotten Any Work Done

2007-10-18T14:46:00.000-04:00

I think the Doc went a little overboard with this month's Restylane. I mean, seriously, is it too obvious?

I just wanted a little help plumping up the pout, but I'm afraid my lips look like overblown bicycle tires now!

Not a Fan

2007-10-18T14:30:00.001-04:00

In an attempt to acclimate me to my new bed, Mom put it in my crate. Ha - she thinks she's so sneaky, but I know better! I know where she got that thing -- I know a gajillion other dogs have probably put their stinky little paws on it. Well - sniff - I hope she learns that I do not accept second rate products.

I swear to you, I'm going to claw that thing to death before I lie my pretty little head on it. [Roar.]

I'm Not Alone

2007-10-17T14:23:00.001-04:00

What the heck? I thought I had to live with this disease alone, but now I see that there are others like me who suffer from dog-bed-digger-itis.

Someone, please help me understand why I'm like this. Why can't I get control over this digging and reclaim my life?

Yes, Can I Help You?

2007-10-16T15:13:00.001-04:00

Excuse me, but not all of us have oodles of time to sit around and chat. Can't you see I'm busy sending out this FedEx package for work? Now if you wouldn't mind, run along and fetch me a roll of packing tape?

This is How I Would Look If I Were Hung Over

2007-10-15T11:28:00.000-04:00

Boy, did I have a crazzzy weekend! I was supposed to go to PetSmart Saturday for a bath and brush, but they wouldn't take me cuz I was on Dramamine. (Mom and Dad dope me up on car trips cuz I get all barfy barfy from the motion sickness.)

Since that turned out to be a bust (thank the Good Lord), Mom and Dad decided to take me to the dog park for some fun! It was our very first time, and we were so excited!! In fact, Mom and Dad were more excited than even I was, going on and on, jabbering with the other owners and petting the other dogs. It was a little embarrassing, but that's parents for ya!

I met so many friendly, nice dogs -- I have never smelled so many doggie butts all in one day! But I did have one scary run-in with a pack of five or six big dogs. They were all playing and having a good ol' time and basically ignoring me. So in an attempt to grab their attention, I sent a few barks their way. The next thing you know, they're all running after me, and I know I'm in big doo-doo (excuse my French). Anyway, Mom and Dad rescued me, and thankfully I walked away without a scratch, but that's the last time I go scrapping with dogs who are three times my size!

Then on Sunday, I had a bit of an accident. I poo'ed and peed on Mom and Dad's new Oriental rugs. Mom and Dad assured me that it wasn't my fault; they shouldn't have left me for so long during the day. But I still feel bad cuz Dad had to clean it all up, and in the process, his hyperactive gag reflex kicked in so that he was retching uncontrollably, he got poop on his pants and socks, banged his head on a cabinet and bent a toenail in half. Anyway he's fine now, and the carpets are fine. But I hope that never happens again!

So how's that for a crazy weekend, folks? Hope yours was full of fun, adventure and mischief like mine was!!

Daddy's Little Man!

2007-10-15T11:27:00.001-04:00

Sorry for the graininess of the pictures; they were taken on my Blackberry (a dog's gotta keep up with his emails!).

Either way, you can see how much Dad loves me. (Much more than Mom who is always yelling at me about something - get off the couch! stop chewing your foot! stop sniffing my food! stop pulling away when I'm brushing your hair! And on and on. It's quite tiresome, Mom. How long before you think Dad and I run away? Huh huh?)

I'm Not Obsessed With My Hair - Really!

2007-10-12T08:48:00.000-04:00

Show of hands, who says I should keep this one-ear-flipped-over-forehead look? I know, I know, you're probably thinking it looks too similar to the comb-over. But I'm only a year and a half - hello?! Not balding yet folks (not at least until I'm four).

Seriously though, I was rather envisioning myself as the canine version of Maddox Jolie-Pitt.

Reward for Lost Tennis Ball

2007-10-12T08:47:00.000-04:00

I swear, it's somewhere down here under this stupid couch. Hey you, stop standing around and help a brother out.

Wait a minute...! Hang on there....! Hold your horses...!

I FOUND MY TENNIS BALL!!!

Uh oh. Now I'm stuck.

No, You Do Not Have a Future in Hair Services -- How's That For Honesty?

2007-10-11T11:26:00.001-04:00

Help! Do I look like a raggamuffin or what? I tried, guys, really I did. Every time Mom comes at me with those darn scissors, I know I'm in for some hair butchering. I've tried running away, squirming, biting -- nothing works. She's a woman on a mission, my mom.

It's great not having my eyes covered by hair and all, but dude, how am I going to impress the ladies if I look like I got dropped on my head into a paper shredder?

Will someone please start up a collection so that I can go to PetSmart and get a proper haircut?

Mom and Me Enjoying a Rainy Day Together

2007-10-10T14:15:00.000-04:00

Whatchu Looking At Willis?

2007-10-09T10:51:00.001-04:00

Yard Work Is No Fun

2007-10-08T11:37:00.001-04:00

Like, I seriously love my folks and all, but they are such sad sacks of boringness. Do you want to know what they spent all Sunday doing?

Staining the deck.

Yeah, I know. I'm not even joking with you either. Tell me, how bored would you be? I totally fell asleep in the grass and woke up with these gnarly pillow lines on my face.

Totally not cool when you're scoping chicks in the backyard.

Me and Bonnie Girl

2007-10-04T17:23:00.000-04:00

Check it out! Mom was finally able to upload a video clip of me in doggie class! Here's me and my classmate, Bonnie, goofing off. I guess we should have been practicing the lie down command instead - oh well!

Oh, and watch it through to the end. You won't regret it. Mom totally gets nailed by all gajillion pounds of Bonnie who pounces on her as she's filming. TOTALLY AWESOME!!

Another Hard Night of Partying

2007-10-03T16:18:00.000-04:00

Dude, I woke up with the worst case of bed head after my nap.

And I had up with the worst case of the munchies you've ever encountered. Thank goodness there were some leaves nearby for an afternoon snack. [Yum, lick.]

You Think I Might Have a Future in Exterior Decorating?

2007-10-02T11:13:00.001-04:00

Today has been a fun day so far. I ate some kibble, pooped in the yard, swatted my tennis ball around and barked at people from the top of the couch (don't tell Mom about that last part).

Then Mom left for Home Depot to buy some Autumn decorations for our front porch. She locked me in the kitchen with the doggie gate, but I escaped while she was away. She was so surprised when I greeted her at the door when she came home!

Mom and I played with some different variations on the mums and pumpkins that she bought. I don't know, take a look -- what do you think?

We finally settled on this look.

Mom said I was a very good little helper, but boy am I wiped! No more decorating for me for a while!

Excuse Me? Some of Us Are Trying to Sleep Here.

2007-10-01T16:33:00.000-04:00

Like, maybe if I twitch my eyes real quick, I can jerk them back up into the open and awake position.

I was so tired here, but I wanted to stay awake and watch another episode of Top Chef with Mom. Yet gravity kept forcing my eyes closed.

Gravity...or my very, very long eyelashes.

Now That's a Handsome Devil If I've Ever Seen One

2007-09-28T11:23:00.001-04:00

Oh, I'm sorry -- were you referring to me? [Modest blush.]

Auntie Jacqueline took this picture of me when she came to visit a couple weeks ago. I don't look too bad if I say so myself.

By the way, she's available for weddings and other special occasions. :)

It's Not Even October Yet!

2007-09-28T11:19:00.000-04:00

Look at what my psycho mom ordered for me today. I'm going to be the laughing stock.

[Whine.]

Memories

2007-09-26T08:33:00.000-04:00

Just taking a stroll down memory lane. Take a look at these pictures, taken right after Mom and Dad first picked me out from the shelter.

Can you believe my transformation from a quiet, scared little pup to the handsome little man that I am today?

And yes, Mom and Dad would argue that I've become quite the cheeky lad, but I think it's the reason they love me SO much!

The Way We Were

2007-09-25T08:35:00.000-04:00

This is Mom and me in happier days (i.e. last week). She has not been as affectionate as of late..might have something to do with the fact that I peed on the new couch.

Oops.

Yesterday we were watching this stupid TV show called "It's Me or the Dog" where this hoity toity British lady tells the owners of a naughty pair of dogs to limit their affection or else the dog will start thinking it's the alpha dog.

Um...NOT TRUE.

(Ok, maybe a little true. Or a lot true. Whatevs.)

Mom just folded her arms and shot Dad a knowing look. Then they both turned to me and started shaking their heads.

[Whine. Humph.]

Cinderelly, Cinderelly!

2007-09-21T18:17:00.001-04:00

You know why I'm wearing this bandanna on my head? You want to know why?

It's because they make me clean their toilets, mop their floors, make their beds and lick their toes before I'm allowed to go to bed in my little cage each night.

[Holds up paw by the side of mouth, points the other paw at Mom and Dad, and whispers] Hello? Animal abuse anyone?

Fluffy!

2007-09-20T15:23:00.000-04:00

Mom and Dad bought me my very own fluffy dog bed this weekend. They even let me pick it out myself! (See picture below. See how happy I am?) It was blue and had little creamy-colored flowers on it. And it was very fluffy! [Fluffaluffagus!]

The best part was that it carried this delightfully alluring smell...a mix of doggie sweat, doggie drool, and the sweet pulp of partially digested Milkbone. Mmm...it just drove me nuts....a lovelier smell I have never smelled before!! As Sarah Jessica Parker said so famously in her recent Covet perfume ad: I had to have it!

If you'll see below, I was not able to get at the smell, no matter how hard I tried. And I tried. Oh, did I try! (Note the ear floppage from my harried efforts.)

In the end, in a desperate attempt at owning the bed, I peed on it to mark it. But unfortunately, Mom and Dad were having none of that, and threw it out.

And that was the end of my fluffy bed. (Goodbye Fluffaluffagus.)

Paralyzed by Da Poncho

2007-09-17T12:42:00.001-04:00

After doggie class on Saturday, Mom and Dad took me shopping for a rain poncho at -- where else --PetSmart! Wet dog doesn't smell good, even to myself. If you take a look at this video, you'll see that we found the most perfect poncho EVER.

In fact, I was so overjoyed with this beautiful piece of plastic-vinyl-what-have-you that I didn't even want to move for fear of mussing it up. It was just so perfect that I do believe we might have achieved fashion nirvana. Le sigh.

Scarf. Lick. Yuuuuuuuuum.

2007-09-14T11:33:00.000-04:00

Today, Mom and I practiced tricks together like lie down and sit. Totally juvenile stuff. Smart guy like me wouldn't normally bother except she pulls out DA LIVER TREATS!!

Ohboyohboyohboyohboy!

Nothing like a little liver to get the tongue moving. Speaking of tongues, check out my amazing flying tongue below!

Being Cute is Hard Work

2007-09-13T11:59:00.000-04:00

Getting...

...so...

...tiiiiiiiiiiired.

Ah Yes

2007-09-12T16:39:00.000-04:00

The life of a lazy dog is not easy, no matter what anyone says.

There are so many options to choose from: lying around (on the stomach as pictured, on the side, curled up, on the floor, on the couch, on the coffee table), dozing (eyes opened, eyes closed, in various states of lying), full-on sleeping (not to be confused with dozing), barking (at the mailman, at other dogs, at passersby, at sirens in the distance), chewing stuff (such as bones, Mom's slippers, furniture, my foot), licking stuff (such as my leg, my stomach, Dad's toes, Mom's toes, and other unmentionables that a genteel pooch like myself shall refrain from mentioning).

The ultimate laziness, though, when I want to be hella mega donchu-mess-wit-me lazy -- the full-on flop. Stomach to the floor, legs spread eagle, ears floofed out.

Ah, the life!

Uh Oh.

2007-09-11T14:13:00.000-04:00

Wait. Was I supposed to follow Mom downstairs, or was I supposed to wait upstairs? Uh oh. What should I do now? Wait here? Go back upstairs?

Maybe if I just sit here with my back paws uncomfortable squished under my butt, I will become one with the stairs and no one will realize that I'm really not supposed to be here.

Better yet, I'll close my eyes too. 'Cuz if I can't see them...they can't see me.

Yeahhhhh.

If the Oscarman Could Talk

2007-09-09T21:27:00.000-04:00

Saturday was my third doggie class. Look at this ridiculous bandana they put me in. Can you believe it? Mom says I look like a handsome little devil, but I think I just look like a big doofus. Guess who's gonna get beat up in a dark alley after class by all the other dogs. Uh yeah, hello [pointing at myself].

Look, you know it can't be good if Dad's looking so glum about going to class. Well, at least I get to ride shotgun. Woo hoo!! Party like a ROCK STAR!

Ok, now I got a crick in my neck. Will you just give me the freaking treat already? Seriously, isn't this like, the gajillionth time we've gone over this one?

[Sputtering, choking sounds.] Dad...Dad...I'm glad you liked...my trick....but...you can...let...go...now. [Gasp. Wheezing for air.]

You. Can't. Make. Me. Walk.

2007-09-07T10:28:00.001-04:00

When we first started out with him, he used to be great at walking. Then he started pulling whenever we got home. Once he decided that was no fun anymore and quit that, he realized that he was a lazy dog and just didn't like walking. So now he makes us drag him like a big sack of potatoes for the first two blocks of our walk before he walks cooperatively.

Well. At least it keeps his nails filed down.

If the Oscarman Could Talk

2007-09-06T10:19:00.000-04:00

Dad's head smells. Someone please put me out of my misery.

If the Oscarman Could Talk

2007-09-04T13:28:00.000-04:00

I am Daddy's Little Dog.

How do I know this? Simple, foo's. I'm not allowed on the couch -- at least Mom always gets her knickers in a twist whenever she finds me there. I usually just look at her like I can't understand human-speak, or like no one cc'ed me in on the couch memorandum. But she knows my tricks. Mom is smart. Mom's got eyes in the back of her head.

Dad, on the other hand, he sometimes yells at me to get off the couch. But other times he just lets me chill there while he eats Tostitos and we watch Ninja Warrior together. But then we'll hear Mom coming and Dad has to yell at me or else he's going to get in big trouble with Mom.

Yep. Us bad news bears, we gotta stick together.

Well. It Could Be Worse.

2007-09-01T23:19:00.000-04:00

We brought the Oscarman to Pennsylvania with us for his first visit with my mom, grandparents and brother. (You know, so he can connect with his Asian roots.)

So far the Oscarman has:

peed on our bed,
eaten a slice of tomato out of the trash,
woken us up barking at 4:30 in the morning,
escaped twice from the house,
barfed thrice in the car,
and demolished a house slipper.

And we still have a day and a half to go.

If the Oscarman Could Talk

2007-08-30T18:26:00.000-04:00

You idjuts. You complete and utter idjuts.

Not only do you blind me. Again. You make me stand on my back two paws as I'm getting squashed by the thighs of death. For the love of God, someone call the Animal Police!!

Please... hurry...

Picky Eater

2007-08-30T10:11:00.000-04:00

Last night, I thought I'd treat the little guy to a special meal, a meal to end all meals, at least in doggyworld. He's a canine and all, but I figured that at some point he must get really tired of eating the same old kibble every single day.

(Though, granted, he does eat premium all-natural kibble from a specialty dog store in Wilton. Oh no, don't say we don't treat our little Oscarman like a king. Because we do. Oh yes, the Oscarman is one lucky lucky dog.)

So I chopped up some delicious apple and sprinkled it into his bowl, thinking he was going to LOVE it.

Instead, do you want to know what the little man did? He proceeded to pick out, one by one, each tiny piece of apple and set it gingerly on the kitchen floor. He was actually quite polite in his refusal to eat the apple, but it did hurt Mom's feelings just a little bit.

I mean, what happened to that ingrained wolf instinct to scarf down all of their food? Clearly, this doggy has been spoiled.

Or else my cooking is just that bad.